moments like this

it was just after eleven o’clock.  all was quiet and still, leading me to believe that all members of my household were peacefully slumbering away.  i was winding down myself and decided it was time to give the baby her last feeding before going to bed.  i went to check on the kids in their room first.  i turned on the adjoining bathroom light as i always do in order to peek into their room to make sure all is well in there.  usually i find both soundly asleep, the boy one in the top bunk with covers kicked off, pillow and stuffed animals all askew, and him sleeping sideways at the foot of his bed.  oftentimes with one foot slung over the railing.  the girl one in the bottom bunk, turned on her side, but not much moved from where we’d last left her– head on pillow, covers tucked in around her, with her ‘b’ (blankie) clutched in her fist and up against her nose and lips.

but tonight, as soon as i opened the door, two bright little eyes peered out at me from the top bunk.  at first, they squinted as they adjusted to the light spilling into the room.  soon after the boy’s head popped up and greeted me with a big, albeit mischievious, smile.  i returned the smile, dropped a kiss on his head and asked if he was sleeping.  he said yes.  i stooped below to check on the girl who was sleeping soundly.  i stood back up and found the two bright little eyes still gazing steadily at me from between the bed railing.  before i could think the better of it, i asked want some ice cream?  without a word, he popped up and hastily began scrambling down the ladder.  halfway down, he paused, looked at me again for confirmation of this normally forbidden act and said, what?  i motioned him toward the door and whispered that he needed to be quiet since the girl was sleeping.

we tiptoed out and he looked at me and grinned with excitement.  i got out the cookies ‘n cream from the freezer and joined him in the playroom.  we sat together on the floor sharing one spoon and eating straight from the carton.  he giggled.  i giggled too.  we were sharing a secret.  he began talking to me as he always does.  only this time, i decided to put all my other thoughts and cares on hold and really listen to him.  we discussed our favorite pizzas- pepperoni and cheese.  he asked if i wanted some pretend water.  i said i’d love some.  he went to his play kitchen, got out a cup, filled it from the pretend sink, put it in the pretend microwave, and then brought it over to me.  i told him it was delicious.  he then brought out his mini toy farm and asked if i’d like to play.  of course i would.  we talked about the cow making milk, spilling it, and the goat coming over to drink it.  then the cow made more milk, spilled it again, and now the chickens were drinking it.  but then they threw it up because they didn’t like it.  then he told me that the girl likes milk but he likes chocolate milk.  this usually launches me into a lecture about how he shouldn’t drink chocolate milk all the time.  but this time, i merely smiled and nodded.  we finished up the ice cream.  i wanted the time to last forever.

but soon enough, the little baby began making noises and cries for her milk, signaling the end of our secret late-night date.  i took him to the bathroom to brush his teeth once more before we tiptoed back into his room where he climbed back up into bed.  i tucked the covers around him, knowing they’d be kicked right off again as soon as i left.  i dropped another kiss on his head, bade him goodnight and sweet dreams.  i told him once more that i loved him. 

i’m told often by more seasoned mothers that this time goes by so fast and that there’ll never be enough moments like this.  so i decided i’d seize the opportunity to make one more memory for us both.  this moment in time when he’s four, just before preschool and the rest of his academic career begin, when he’d like nothing better than to have his mommy all to himself, giving him undistracted, undivided attention, sharing spoonfuls of cookies ‘n cream, talking and playing together in the late night hours.  just to let him know that he’s precious to his mommy and that she loves him very very much.