sometimes, only mommy will do

phil and i were sitting in our living room, each working on a computer.  it was nearing midnight and i was beginning to think about getting ready for bed, when all of a sudden, i hear a piercing cry/scream come from lauren’s room.  very unusual for her since she normally sleeps soundly (and quietly) all night.  the cry comes again, even louder this time.  i get up to go check on her and find her up on her knees (she doesn’t quite pull up all the way to stand yet), clinging on to her crib railing.  i immediately pick her up and notice her body quivering a little.  she seemed like she was still asleep and was confused why she was upright and maybe forgot how to get back down.  or maybe she had a bad dream.  (do babies have bad dreams?)

anyway, i hold her in my arms, whisper that she’s okay and that mommy’s here.  her body begins to relax and she lays her head down on me.  happy sigh…  in her normal awake hours, she very rarely lays still against me anymore.  she’s far more interested in what’s going on in the world and can’t be bothered with cuddling anymore.    more often, she’s pushing her fist against me as she cranes her head around to see what everyone else is up to.  even worse (well, not really…), she still prefers to be held by daddy over mommy and gets all laughy and her body wiggles in happy anticipation as she squirms away from me toward daddy whenever he’s near.

but this time, she just contentedly lay against me, completely relaxed.  phil came in to the room a few minutes later to see what was wrong, and she immediately popped her head up to look at him.  i automatically assumed she would want him to hold her, so i handed her over.  as soon as i did though, she looked back to me, and started crying a little and craned her body and arms (oh how i love the outstretched arms) to me.  surprised, i said, “really?  you want me??”  and took her back.  phil left to get back to his work and i sat down in her room with her facing me on my lap.  she laid her head down and rested her little hand on my arm.  i rocked her a little and ran my fingers through her hair.  we stayed that way a long time.  she was so still and content.  i didn’t want the moment to end.