so

so.

today is (‘was’ cuz it’s 10 pm now?) the official last day of summer.

wait.  what?  aren’t i homeschooling and can therefore decide to give ourselves another week of summer if i feel like it?  and for the record, i really, really feel like it.

ah, so much to update on and so NO time to do it.

long story short, i am still homeschooling this year.  and i’m not.

wait.  what?

yes, exactly.  i’m confused too.

ok, so phil and i agreed at the start of this journey of educating our kids that we would make our decisions year-by-year.  and that we would try to make those decisions trying to balance both the needs of the individual child with what would work best for the family as a whole. so after many discussions with phil, lots of prayer, and getting the kids’ input for this new school year (not that we left it up entirely to the kids, but we did take their preferences in to consideration), what we’ve decided to do for this year is keep mikey home for school (imagine my shock when my most social child insisted that he loved staying home and never wavered from that choice), and to let allie try first grade at our local public school (imagine my double shock when my more timid and reserved child insisted that she really, really, really wanted to try school this year and also has never wavered from her choice).  lauren will go to preschool three times a week.  jonah will do his best to throw a wrench into all the carefully laid out plans.  it’s what he does best.

so less overwhelming for me in terms of trying to be and do everything for everyone all at once, but still totally overwhelming in terms of trying to remember everyone’s different schedules of school pick up/drop offs, homeschool co-ops, and after school activities.  i think “hot mess with a side of crazy sauce” would be a fitting description for me this coming year.  

also, i feel like i have no closure from last year’s venture into homeschooling.  mostly because, uh, i didn’t actually have an official last day of school.  it just sort of petered out sometime in may because i had to kick it in to high gear with the packing and moving and unpacking, y’all.  and then here and there in the summer, i’d throw in a day or two of schooling to make up the days we missed.  so homeschooling sort of ended and it sort of didn’t.  and i didn’t get my last day of school pictures of the kids like i wanted to.  *sob*.

and that is the biggest tragedy of all.

ok, maybe that’s a little overly dramatic, but it’s the reason why i feel like i have no closure.

but maybe that’s just what homeschooling is anyway- throwing schooling in there with all the rest of life and have the kids learn alongside you while everything else is still going on.

or something like that.

so my thoughts about our first year of homeschooling are a jumbled mess right now.  but two things stand out very clearly to me.  number one is that i do not regret for a second all the precious time together and all the memories made with having the kids around all day everyday.  having talks all day long about all things big and little.  God talks.  heart issue talks.  encouraging talks.  correcting talks.  i loved it.  and i was overwhelmed by it.  number two is that i do regret feeling perpetually frustrated and overwhelmed.  mostly at not being able to do everything that needed to be done all at once.  it was hard feeling like a crazed, disorganized, forgetful, impatient, super tired mess most days.

so here we are on the eve of allie’s first day of school.  she is so very excited.  i am excited too for her, but also nervous.  praying that she makes good, kind friends, that she wouldn’t run in to any bullying, that she would have a great teacher, and that she wouldn’t ever feel ashamed to talk about God.  because she loves to talk about God and was just saying tonight how she would love to introduce her new friends to Him if they don’t know Him yet.  i love that about her and i don’t want that to ever change about her.  and so that is why i am a little nervous for her.  i shouldn’t be, because God’s got her, but i am.

and so while i wrestle with doubts over the decisions we’ve made and the changes that are headed our way, i keep clinging to the truth that God will take care of her better than i ever could.  i very well know that i am not a perfect parent and am not capable of making the perfect decision for each of our children at every turn, but i take comfort in the fact that we have a loving Savior who is capable of knowing what is best for us and is leading us every step.  i trust that He has a purpose in this and will make it all come out for our good and His glory.

my baby’s all ready to start off on an adventure all by herself.  we got her backpack this past weekend and she’s been toting it around with her ever since.  even while she and her sibs were playing in their “hideouts” in the backyard last night.