hazards of being married to a medical student

or at least the one i’m married to.    phil comes home this afternoon and announces that he needs to practice putting in an iv.  he looks at me hopefully.  i immediately squelch his hopes and flatly refuse to be poked with a needle.  even with his reassurances of “don’t worry, it won’t hurt a bit!” 

so he decides to practice on himself.  i have no problems with this.  i continue working on my laptop as he sits next to me and injects his hand with some numbing medicine.  i’m careful not to look as he does this.  then he gets out the blue rubber band tourniquet thing to tie on his arm.  he tells me he’s going to need help doing this.  (this is the point where we had a miscommunication as i thought he meant help with just the tourniquet and he actually meant help with the whole ordeal).  so i hold one end of the band as he ties it around his arm.

he opens an iv needle/tube thing.  i focus on the laptop screen (thinking my assistance was no longer needed) as he sticks the needle into his hand.  then he says, “put your finger above the injection site and press down.”  i look at him and say “are you joking me?!”  i really think he’s joking.  he’s not.  i ask if blood is going to squirt out if i don’t.  he says yes.  so i put my finger over the site, and am grossed out that i can totally feel the needle/tube under his skin.  he pulls the needle part out, leaving the tube in his hand.  blood begins to squirt out.  “AHHHHHH!!!” (this is my reaction).  phil calmly says to press down harder.  “AHHHHHH!!!”  (still my reaction).  i grab his other hand and tell him to press down himself.  blood continues to drip out.  i grab a few tissues and throw it over his hand to cover it up and run to the bathroom as there’s blood all over my hands now.  phil sits calmly waiting for me to return.  funny how different our reactions were.  he’s all clinical and relaxed, i’m in near hysterics.  i come back and phil says, “you have to pull the tube out.”  i say “are you joking me?!”  blood is still squirting from the tube.  phil says, “blood’s going to keep coming out unless you do.”  “AHHHHHHH!!!”  i keep screaming as i pull the tube out and toss it on top of the tissues on his hand.  i run back to the bathroom with more blood on my hands.  so much blood! 

i come back out and state, “THIS is why I am not a medical student!!!”  phil inspects his hand and says, “that wasn’t so bad.  now i can really tell people, ‘this won’t hurt a bit’!” 

later (after cleaning up his hand), phil sees me xangaing about this traumatic experience and comments, “you didn’t take a picture of my hand.”  i actually considered it, but realized the camera was upstairs and would take too long to go get it.  so phil cheerfully volunteers to do it all over again.  he says, “see?  we can use this vein here.”  “AHHHHHH!!!”